yesterday is history,today is gift,tommorow is mystery

yesterday around 8 o'clock,suddenly the ye qi and wei lin invite me go out to for dinner,the dinner what i taken is "han yu fa lan fan",this dishes which i take is very undelicious, it not same as last time i consume at other places.
after the dinner,we all chatting,but no topic for me to me elaborate.just only talk many unhelping topic.i don't know what kind of the people i am,sometimes can't corporate with other people,maybe my attitude is different with other people or each person has their own attitude,sometimes i also want spend out more time with them to build good relationship,but only can speak to god,they all go to cinema or other places not invited me already,just call me back to pray,i know pray is important,but during in this world we also must build a relationship between each other.
Day by day i go through,i started losing myself and started miserable,i afraid alone,at the same time i can hear the god and devil voice to disturb me do something terrible.i very happy new friend Alex wong also have coming yamcha with us.i believe the god will do the miracle work on him,i slowly start destroy by the demon work,it always disturb me during i getting close with the god.
The history which already happened in the past for my own always flooded in my mind,i very sad,happy and emotion uncontrollable. i always prevent or avoid this happen just went out with my friend,but i not much of friend,just the church friend i have and a little bit friend i have.use the hand also can calculated.i very struggle and miser in my life....i already many time miss the bible class,something started happen to me,i don't know how long i can cope it,always tell god to help me,but started tire tire..........next year is my 21 year old birtday,in my dream is i can received many present and have a party from many many people,i hope can become a one day child,i desire can become a child,but i need to know now i'm adult..child very happy,but i didn't has experiences all of that life when i first born on that house,i love my grandfather,he very care about me.
Moreover,i hate other people,but now because has a god,the hate already reduced,but need the time to heal my all pain,sometimes i will asking god why this happen to me,why????????