i'm glad saw you changed a lot in the kingdom of god,god is miracle,the thing human can't do but the god can done it,cause he was the one created this wonderful world.god is my guide light and salt.you heard my pray.he not alone and i also not alone.

Poem to my lover

today i wrote this poem is contain my love upon you,long time didn't made a poem.this is my second time.


尔对你情深意意，
不管认何阻扰与艰难，
尔对你始终情深一遍。

月儿照亮无处角，
可惜不是永与亮，
水中月，似情意，
千刀乱斩意难断，
不管天涯或海角，
情意仍在你我心。

to:我爱的人，

一首诗， 我心意，
明我诗者亦是你，
长遍大伦式如海，
诗代尔达心理话，
心灵相通皆欢喜。

Encounter god at PeaceHeaven(G.H)

26th of november 2009-the begun of the trip,the bus start around 12.30p.m to 1.00p.m,but luckily i follow with van of the church.a few person which i know also on the van such as kien been,iain,mun suet,wei en,yen ee,joanne mah and other.After few hour,we finally arrived that place which surround with cold fresh air,it really great.the places really nice,but the fod at there still ok lol,but the purpose of us is to encounter god not the food.

During the the first night encounter god,the god really deeply touch my heart,what the god say to me from the pastor is:

Luke 10:38-42---the verses between this chapter which is talking about martha and mary.the martha distracted by all the preparations,but the mary just outside with the god.after that martha tell jesus, let her sister mary come in to help.but jesus said:mary chosen what is better,it will not be taken away from her.On this chapter the god say,don't work without don't know what the god want us to do.we must work what the god want,we must stay inside the god,then the god will also stay inside us(john 15:4-5).
Moreover,that night really impact my heart,why god know everyone needs,it really beautiful and wonderful.

27th of november 2009,is second day of encounter god,we just woke up and prepared for consume the breakfast at canteen,which made by the worker on canteen,thank you so much of your all treated.after the breakfast we have one hour the devotion between each group,the devotion chapter is (john 15:1-8),during the devotion,i received many word from god,the sound of god really soften and peace.without the god what we have done just has limited to us,but when we have god and follow his instructions,we can do more than we want,he was our future,our light to guide us which is right for us.thank you lord you so love your people on each areas,country and etc.

W0w,it really nice after devotion,during that time,i desired the encounter two were goes through by the precious time.because i want more encounter god.just only started the conferrence,another word of god impact me,during second day really more encounter god than first day.

ISAIAH 60:1-3
ISALAH 60:19-22

CONTINUE...................................

Yeah!!! hohoho

Finally completed second semester studies,now enjoy the holiday,but i plan to work during this half and a month holiday.because i need money to buy a keyboard,cause the person say,if i don't have keyboard or piano.i can't continue the learning,hope god can let me earn more money and besides that have a time for god.
Furthermore,besides working and worship the god,i will start prepare my third semester study,So,coming next year were not busy on my study,somemore i can have a time for me to rest and to finish my A-level study.i hope can score well on the AS exam.which all is overseas paper.Muet and IELTS i love you.
Addition,after the A-level,i have plan go to overseas finish my degree,if my result is flying color.Presently,i just stay at the home and saturday go to church worship our god.moreover this week also many thing happen,but almost all is a good news,just a little more unlucky incident happen.that's all richard mah you can do it.besides that.may god bless the friend besides me and everyone....

认命吗？

Today and tommorow is my holiday before the one month holiday around the corner.this friday is my last lesson on the courses.Unluckily 18/11/09 morning between 5:00a.m-6:00a.m,the incident have happen before again pour onto me again.the houses rented of mine is it special?why this house always aimed by the thief,stealler and etc.i haven sleep during midnight,one person on the sofa which in front of gates.Suddenly i saw something fly in the house,woah,it a guy,he is chinese guy.when he saw me on the sofa,he quite big reaction,and took one minute to escape away from this house.he really geng leh,after that i really afraid,i think why he choose became thief,but nevermind,whereas already happen,i hope one of the day he can come in front of christ and wash all his sin.i know he was bad,but in the christ,he can do the miracle thing for god.i will pray for him,i believe god,thank you god let me know he will come....

A "Picture"

The precious gift by jesus christ

This two was the precious gift jesus given to me,i love the dog so much,because during the process i grew up,the puppy always beside me,she was my first listener.i love you my lovely dog.

Another person was my best listener after my dog dead.she was the person always encouraged me during i facing trouble.she not give up me, we already be a friend 4 year and 11 month.thank you always encourage me.she was a nice person.besides that was a creative and artictics person.love two of you muackss...

Nowadays the third listener was my father of heaven and wei yi jie,father you not give up me during i suffer and miserable,you put someone around me to help me,that is wei yi jie.thank you two of you give me a strength to live.thank you jesus wash and clean my sins.thank you always give me a chances.

what happen to me?why can suddenly crying without any reason.cannot cry richard mah.you're adult.you're not a children.so can't be like that.nevermind.

Extremely sad

why i told you the problem my facing now you would not listen,and saying go to sleep lah or whatever.why always want me find wei yi jie only.i wanted to build a relationship between us.but really make me deepest dissapointed.i really sad.but can't crying out.richard mah woke up,nobody are good,all the people same,whereas they have god or no god.why between the friend cannot share my problem to you.broken heart begin.start today richard mah would not trust anyone around me.included wei yi jie.your all always push me to her only.your all also being a human with a mask.

Wow,wonderful friday and saturday

i know this saturday and friday was very meaningful to me.first thing is a conference about "how to choose your life partner". On friday having a cg and maybe after that were something amazing happen,that was sex,i having one night stand with other people.i not same as before.i need to fulfill my satisfaction,fulfill my heart which broken and black hole.hahahahaah"amazing night"..

Freedom

Finally gave up something which can affect my life and overcome it.the challenge you want me to take up.now i accept thie challenge which you want me follow you.i know my heart will pain,but you know which is better for me.you're my future,you can guide me everytime,everywhere when i faced a problem.you know my future,you're the person know my need.actually i not satisfy with my life,but you fulfill my life with your bliss,love.this already fulfill my satisfaction.Now the challenge i need take up is communication with anyone,my friend,my family and etc.Communication really important to my whole life. that is why always alone during every places i goes.even though is church,my hometown or anywhere.i really afraid been alone in my life.what is the definition of friend?why i can't make more friend,sometimes really jealously other people can be more friend,i have friend,but all is cool,and many types of emotion contain on his or her attitude.fga cyc brother and sister,what kind of people onto your,i really can't know what your all thinking during everytime.god bless everyone in the world.i can do it...i can do it.amen,now already freedom to achieve my dream,my future.moreover freedom from restriction of sins.freedom to learning and etc.

i'm not alone

I'm not alone,i have friend from the church,i also have god in my life......

Evangelism

神是唯一的独身子，是我们的真神。
因为他爱我们，
所以用宝血洗净我们的罪，
他赐给我们永生，让我们住在他里面，
我们要祷告，
等他下一次来接我们回到他的天家。

i need to spend all my precious time to god,i need to put down all the job and everything,i believe god can healing my sick.and take away the thing which not belong to god.i Believe the miracle were happen to me.

hosanna

A few day ago,i didn't attended the conference which organized by my church fga cyc.i shame to face them,but i miss god,i lost myself and i woke up because of god,now i know if i lost god,i can't live.hosanna is my favorite song,i love this song so much.........

Somewhere in the world

where are you,the time between two of us already past one year.you just like the mist suddenly disappeared in a one night,i told myself that is not a real,i hoping it just a dream,but that is true,i need to accepted without any reason,you changed all the application which i can use to contact you,all became not the same,i becaming alone during everyday,i missed the places we have goes before,the place always goes back by me and hoped can waiting you during the time.
The happiness between two of us, just like the moutain spilt into two and can't be stick together and same as before.you know i almost every night, drop the tear because of you.i can't have a well sleep.i miss you,what your promise before now just like a sand blew by the wind to the deepest of the sea, and never never can be achieved.ok,i really need put more effort to erase all of this memory,i hope someday can sleep and can't wake up until the end of my life...this world is cruel,the blood of human is cold.so,in the end someone will hurt.

为甚么要这样，为甚么。。。。。。。。。。我很幸苦，我好难受，我连呼吸都不上不下。
我喝酒了，我醉了。我的心好痛好痛。为甚么要这样对我，为甚么，阿啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊

SORRY GOD,I not done my best,i still have sin in my life,i can't erase this sin,how i can serve you.i don't have a holy life in your kingdom.i cannot perfect in your kingdom,i want perfect in everything on your kingdom.

next year 21 birthday present......

Suddenly the next year my birthday flooded on my mind,Started now to my 5 january 1989,still got five month is my 21 year old birthday,this birthday can be said that very important to me,it is teenager become a adult,and so many year ago this is a dream want achieve.i never celebration birthday with my friend,but my heart desire.
1.)i desire have my own birthday party with many of delicious food,i love food.
2.)receive many present from the friend,like a kids during birthday,very very happy.
3.)god will appear in front of me, say, richardmah "what you want me from you".hehe
4.)one sets of vampire's book collection,twillight,new moon,eclipse,breaking down,i love you book.
5.)can change a new model of handphone,computer....
6.)have a grand piano in my house
7.)anytime in the exam can score a higher mark
8)bring more friend to god,with the god helping

the three wish i will wish is first is, god you give your all love and anoiting,peace to my all friend,family.
second is god your let all people in the world have enough food for their stomach,because i know many place less of food and die with hunger.

third wish also my last wish,wishes this world no cover any sin,because jesus have coming,then no orphanage at eveywhere on the world,their own has happy family,their follow road of god.their bright the light for god,cause the revival of the kingdom of god is nearest....

第二计 围魏救赵

共敌不如分敌，敌阳不如敌阴。

共敌不如分敌：共，集中的。分，分散，使分散。句意：打集中的敌人，不如设法分散它而后再打。 敌阳不如敌阴： 敌，动词，攻打。句意为 先打击气势旺盛的敌人，不如后打击气势旺盛的敌人。

古人按语说：治兵如治水：锐者避其锋, 如导疏；弱者塞其虚，如筑堰。故当齐救赵时，孙子谓田忌曰：“夫解杂乱纠纷者不控拳，救斗者，不搏击，批亢捣虚，形格势禁，则自为解耳。”（《史记》卷六五《孙子吴起列传》）。

对敌作战，好比治水：敌人势头强大，就要躲过冲击，如用疏导之法分流。对弱小的敌人，就抓住时机消灭它，就象筑堤围堰，不让水流走。孙子的比喻十分生动形象，想理顺乱丝和结绳，只能用手指慢慢去解开，不能握紧拳头去捶打；排解搏斗纠纷，只能动口劝说，不能动手参加。对敌人，应避实就虚，攻其要害，使敌方受到挫折，受到牵制，围困可以自解。

事见《史记．孙子吴起列传》 ，是讲战国时 期齐国与魏国的桂陵之战。公元前354年， 魏惠王欲释失中山的旧恨，便派大将庞涓前去攻打。这中山原本是东周时期魏国北邻的小国 被魏国收服，后来赵国乘魏国国丧伺机将中山 强占了，魏将庞涓认为中山不过弹丸之地， 距离赵国又很近，不若直打赵国都城邯郸，既解 旧恨又一举双得。 魏王从之，欣欣然似霸业从 此开始，即拨五百战车以庞涓为将，直奔赵国围了赵国都城邯郸。 赵王急难中只好求救于齐 国，并许诺解围后以中山相赠。齐威王应允，令田忌为将，并起用从魏国救得的孙膑为军师领兵出发。这孙膑曾与庞涓同学，对用兵之法 谙熟精通。魏王用重金将他聘得，当时庞涓也 正事奉魏国。庞涓自觉能力不及孙膑，恐其贤于己，遂以毒刑将孙膑致残，断孙两足并在他 脸上刺字，企图使孙不能行走又羞于见人。后来孙膑装疯，幸得齐使者救助，逃到齐国。

这是一段关于庞涓与孙膑的旧事，且说田忌与 孙膑率兵进入魏赵交界之地时，田忌想直逼赵 国邯郸， 孙膑制止说：解乱丝结绳，不可以握拳去打，排解争斗，不能参与搏击，平息纠纷要抓住要害，乘虚取势，双方因受到制约才能自然分开。现在魏国精兵倾国而出，若我直攻魏国。那庞涓必回师解救，这样一来邯郸之围定会自解。 我们再于中途伏击庞涓归路，其军 必败。田忌依计而行。果然，魏军离开邯郸，归路中又陷伏击与齐战于桂陵，魏部卒长途疲惫，溃不成军，庞涓勉强收拾残部， 退回大梁 齐师大胜，赵国之围遂解。这便是历史上有名的“围魏救赵”的故事。 又后十三年，齐魏之 军再度相交于战场，庞涓复又陷于孙膑的伏击自知智穷兵败遂自刎。孙膑以此名显天下，世传其兵法。

太平天国后期，由于内讧加剧，大大削弱了革命军的力量。公元1860年，清军派和春率领数十万大军进攻太平天国的都城天京（今江苏南京），清军仗着人马众多，层层包围，使天京成为一座孤城。为了解救天京，天王洪秀全召集诸王众将商讨对策，但对如此险恶的形势，大家一时也想不出什么好办法。

这时，年轻的将领忠王李秀成为洪秀全献上一计。他说：“如今，清军人马众多，硬拼只会凶多吉少。请天王拨给我两万人马，乘夜突围，偷袭敌军屯粮之地杭州。这样，敌人一定会分兵救援抗州。然后天王乘此机会突围，我也回兵天京，形成两面夹击之势，天京之围可解。”
翼王石达开急忙响应，并表示也带一支人马协同忠王作战。诸王全将都认为这是“围魏救赵”之计，有两位王爷亲率精兵突围，胜利是有把握的。可是洪秀全生性喜欢猜疑，以为天京被围，形势险恶，怀疑二王是不是想乘机脱逃，所以迟疑不决，没有吭声。

李秀成猜透了洪秀全的心思，他突然跪倒在地泪如泉涌，说道：“天王，天国危在旦夕，我等若有二心。对得起天王和全军将士吗？”石达开也跪在天王面前，恳求洪秀全下令发兵。

洪秀全深受感动，终于同意照计而行。这年正月初二，正值过年，清军仗着人多势众，已把天京团团围住，也就略有松懈。

这天半夜时分，李秀成、石达开各率一部人马，乘着黑夜，从敌人封锁薄弱的东南角突围出去。清将和春见是小股部队逃窜，也就没有追击。

二王突围后，分兵两路：李秀成奔杭州，石达开奔湖州。李秀成抵杭州城下，见守备森严，他急令士兵攻城，但都被击退。原来这杭州是清军的重要粮草基地，城内守军也有一万余人。他们只坚守城池，并不出城反攻。李秀成见三天三夜未能攻下抗州，心中焦急。

突然天降大雨，城内守军见太平军久攻不下，都很疲惫，天又降雨，就都躲进城堡休息，因为几天几夜没好生睡觉，倒在地上，就呼呼入睡。李秀成乘着雨夜，派一千多名勇士，用云梯偷偷爬上城墙，等守城兵士惊醒，城门己经大开，李秀成率部冲入城内，攻了杭州。

为了吸引围困天京的清军，李秀成下令焚烧清军的粮仓。和春闻讯，知道杭州已失，断了后勤供应，急今副将张玉良率十万人马，火速回救杭州。洪秀全见清军已分兵解救杭州，敌军正在调动，于是下令全线出击。李秀成攻下抗州，放火烧了粮仓之后，火速回兵天京。石达开也率部回撒天京。两路兵马汇合一处，机智地绕道而行，回避了张玉良回救抗州的部队，终于顺利地赶回天京。

此时城内城外的太平军对清军形成夹击之势，清兵始料不及，左冲右突，阵势大乱，死伤六万余人，一败涂地。清军惨败，天京之围已解。短时期内，清军已无力再打天京了。

第一计 瞒天过海

备周则意怠①；常见则不疑。阴在阳之内，不在阳之对②。太 ③阳，太阴。
①备周则意怠：防备十分周密，往往容易让人斗志松懈，削弱战力。

②阴在阳之内，不在阳之对：阴阳是我国古代传统哲学和文化思想的基点，其思想笼罩着大千宇宙、细末尘埃，并影响到意识形态的一切领域。阴阳学说是把宇宙万物作为对立的统一体来看待，表现出朴素的辩证思想。阴、阳二字早在甲骨文、金文中出现过，但作为阴气、阳气的阴阳学说，最早是由道家始祖楚国人老子所倡导，并非《易经》提出。此计中所讲的阴指机密、隐蔽；阳，指公开、暴露。阴在阳之内，不在阳之对，在兵法上是说秘计往往隐藏于公开的事物里，而不在公开事物的对立面上，就是说非常公开的往往蕴藏着非常机密的。

③太：极，极大。此句意同上。 古人按语说：阴谋作为，不能背于秘处行之。夜半行窃，僻巷杀人，愚俗之行，非谋士之所为也。

这是说“瞒天过海”之谋略决不可以与“欺上瞒下”、“掩耳盗铃”或者诸如夜中行窃、拖人衣裘、僻处谋命之类等同，也决不是谋略之士所应当做的事情。虽然，这两种在某种程度上都含有欺骗性在内，但其动机、性质、目的是不相同的，自是不可以混为一谈。这一计的兵法运用，常常是着眼于人们在观察处理世事中，由于对某些事情的习见不疑而自觉不自觉地产生了疏漏和松懈，故能乘虚而示假隐真，掩盖某种军事行动，把握时机，出奇制胜。

见《永乐大典——薛仁贵征辽事略》唐太宗贞观十七年，御驾亲征，领三十万大军以宁东土。一日，浩荡大军东进来到大海边上，帝见眼前只是白浪排空，海茫无穷，即向众总管问及过海之计，四下面面相觑。忽传一个近居海上的豪民请求见驾，并称三十万过海军粮此家业已独备。帝大喜，便率百官随这豪民来到海边。只见万户皆用一彩幕遮围，十分严密。豪民老人东向倒步引帝入室。室内更是绣幔彩锦，茵褥铺地。百官进酒，宴饮甚乐。不久，风声四起，波响如雷，杯盏倾侧，人身摇动，良久不止。太宗警惊，忙令近臣揭开彩幕察看，不看则已，一看愕然。满目皆一片清清海水横无际涯，哪里是什么在豪民家作客，大军竟然已航行在大海之上了！ 原来这豪民是新招壮士薛仁贵扮成， 这“瞒天过海”计策就是他策划的。“瞒天过海”用在兵法上，实属一种示假隐真的疑兵之计，用来作战役伪装，以期达到出其不意的战斗成果。

公元589年，隋朝将大举攻打陈国。这陈国乃是公元557年陈霸先称帝建国，定国号为陈，建都城于建康，也就是今天的南京。战前，隋朝将领贺若弼因奉命统领江防，经常组织沿江守备部队调防。每次调防都命令部队于历阳（也就是今天安徽省和县一带地方）集中。还特令三军集中时，必须大列旗帜，遍支警帐，张扬声势，以迷惑陈国。果真陈国难辨虚实，起初以为大军将至，尽发国中士卒兵马，准备迎敌面战。可是不久，又发现是隋军守备人马调防，并非出击，陈便撤回集结的迎战部队。如此五次三番，隋军调防频繁，蛛丝马迹一点不露，陈国竟然也司空见惯，戒备松懈。直到隋将贺若弼大军渡江而来，陈国居然未有觉察。隋军如同天兵压顶，令陈兵猝不及防，遂一举拔取陈国的南徐州（今天的讲苏省镇江市一带）。

hahahaha,now i already change to new cg group,but i don't know who is my member on this group,i didn't go to the chuch yesterday,and today i also same because fever,is it this is the way i leave the church,the people on the church much of them is talented,smart and potential,me just like a tiny of seed and no serve to my lord,i really useless,why i still can't same as other people live in jesus life.destroy myself to dissappear on this world,my body split up,really crazy at this period,i lose everything,i lost,i miserable........

miss you

During few day ago, i received a bad news and good news in my life,the good news is the mark of my examination have improved, and the otherside have build a closes relationship between me and my classmate.
But the bad news is more than good news,one of the teacher were leave our SPUS school,she name M.s Andrea,she is pretty,somemore she is funny,i miss her so much,before she leave the college,she still take care about me,such as education....etc.the first day i met her and she always drop my face in front of people,that time i really hate her,but now i really understand why she treat me like that.she put more hopeful on me.may god bless you ms.andrea.
Moreover,our church reform a new group of cg,i very miss heart 13@10,but whatever have any changed on the cg,that is the work of god,god will give anything best to us,we just only follow his step and brighter road,all will have a miracle on the god.

Sick......

yesterday was a bad day for me,long time i didn't sick until like this,but yesterday the sick was make me pain(backbone and head),suffer and miserable.moreover,the incident which past many year ago flooded on my mind,i cry,sad and suddenly felt afraid to be lonely,alone.i ask why the person do this for me,why the person leave me without a notice and i hate this person,whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhwyhwywhywhywhywhywhywhy,this person sometimes really made me suffered,HEART BROKEN,SAD,ALONE AND CRY...........

yesterday is history,today is gift,tommorow is mystery

yesterday around 8 o'clock,suddenly the ye qi and wei lin invite me go out to for dinner,the dinner what i taken is "han yu fa lan fan",this dishes which i take is very undelicious, it not same as last time i consume at other places.
after the dinner,we all chatting,but no topic for me to me elaborate.just only talk many unhelping topic.i don't know what kind of the people i am,sometimes can't corporate with other people,maybe my attitude is different with other people or each person has their own attitude,sometimes i also want spend out more time with them to build good relationship,but only can speak to god,they all go to cinema or other places not invited me already,just call me back to pray,i know pray is important,but during in this world we also must build a relationship between each other.
Day by day i go through,i started losing myself and started miserable,i afraid alone,at the same time i can hear the god and devil voice to disturb me do something terrible.i very happy new friend Alex wong also have coming yamcha with us.i believe the god will do the miracle work on him,i slowly start destroy by the demon work,it always disturb me during i getting close with the god.
The history which already happened in the past for my own always flooded in my mind,i very sad,happy and emotion uncontrollable. i always prevent or avoid this happen just went out with my friend,but i not much of friend,just the church friend i have and a little bit friend i have.use the hand also can calculated.i very struggle and miser in my life....i already many time miss the bible class,something started happen to me,i don't know how long i can cope it,always tell god to help me,but started tire tire..........next year is my 21 year old birtday,in my dream is i can received many present and have a party from many many people,i hope can become a one day child,i desire can become a child,but i need to know now i'm adult..child very happy,but i didn't has experiences all of that life when i first born on that house,i love my grandfather,he very care about me.
Moreover,i hate other people,but now because has a god,the hate already reduced,but need the time to heal my all pain,sometimes i will asking god why this happen to me,why????????

hi,i'm come back

Hi everybody,i'm came back,it seems long time i didn't wrote my blog,because i very busy in my daily life,much assignment,homework,test and blah blah blah........
At the past few month,i experience many temptation from many incident.but some of the incident nearly make me wanna leave a god,but lastly i don't do that it is because i have a family from the FGA CYC to help me with the word of god to make me back the kingdom of god.
Firstly i wanna thank few people at here,

1.)madam 伟懿,she was the very great people god send her to me,to help me,to make me understand more thing,she same as my sister and give the love of family i never tasted.she always teach me many thing about the god.she love me very much as her brother.thank you

2.)Mr.keen been/jian ming,you also are the important one in my life,you can say the first sincere friend in Fga Cyc,sometimes you are cool and saying something can hurting me,but your heart is great,best,kindness,it is because you have strong holy spirit from god.thank you everytime helping me out from the darkness

3.)this person also important to me,she was the leader the help me,train me as a disciple of god,she name Liew yap kee,she is a beautiful girl,i very pround because god send her as one part of my life,she always call me pray during me facing a trouble.thank you god you let me know why she can become my leader during A4j which already past.i love you leader,friend

4.)this person he name soh wei lin,he was my friend also,but sometimes i think not very closes because less communicate,but very thank because in the beginning of i come to fga cyc church you as my driver send me go and send me back at this half of the the year.sometimes with you very happy,you are good listener,but not many response,keep on talk,you can do it.because you have god

5)mr.phua,thank you because you also give me more word about god and sometimes send me back to setapak.you are one of many people which very loyal to the god,from you i learn many thing,your serve the god with the whole heart and never say tired and blah....

6.)mr.kai wen,this is a funny guy,he very busy on the church because serve our god.i don't know why everytime i wanna commit suicide,i will call him or keen been,sometimes is wei lin,he gave me more information about the life which jesus gave me.i were take care my life carefully and live colourful,because i was the people created by the god.

At the last i wanted to thank LORD JESUS,he let me go to FGA CYC .he never leave me when i in trouble,he love me much than everyone in this world.i love heart 13,heart 10.foong peng,fei yi
i love you fga cyc you are my secret place and god you also my secret place.thank all of you,god bless you,god love you.hallelujah.......

continue A4J learning,experieced in ecounter camp on fga cyc during april........

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Today is mother day,this also my first time after 10 year ago i have celebrated with my mother.At the past, i celebrate the mother day with her was 10 year old,because something happen during that time,So i felt my parent hurted me and during that time my heart was broken.actually i can't accepted the incident they done to me.But i don't know why because during saturday worship have one group of people up to the stage at Fga/cyc and speak out their word which garner inside their heart so many year,At the time my tear also go out with non- stop,i also have many words inside my heart want to tell her,maybe one of day i will say out.....
After that,my cg member pray for me gave me a brave and jesus always beside me to do a terrible thing,this is my first time said happy mother day to her and with the heart with love,which jesus brought to me love,my heaven father teach me what is the love,why we need love,Love is greatest than everything in this world,it can't used money to buy....

我的心

有朋如无朋，他们还是不知道我是怎样的。无朋如有朋。到头来都是空，但寻回了我的主。在现实世界中还是孤单，一个人。但在天国有神。i know why fga cyc always have people come,and suddenly leave the church,it is because they just only want won the spirit,but after that,didn't take care for the people which won by fga cyc.in the very begin,i didn't have a friend,i always alone.but i meet them i very happy in my life,i think i have a new life,but the time pass ,i felt that i back to my own life.我跟他们沟通不到，因为没有话题，但我跟他说话的时候，他有时不理睬我，给我马马虎虎的答案。all of them not treat me as a friend,they treat me as one of the member of the group.just foong peng,thank you,sometimes i call you,you have responsed me.sad sad sad,i'm a stupid people in the world..........somemore continue,all member fga cyc win more group for jesus,god bless you all

suffering.........

first time i write in chinese really make me using much of time,but nevermind,have a best try,上帝，我很开心你让我回到你的身边，感谢你的慈爱。但是在你的仆人 or planned put someone of your son/daughter beside me.i felt really difficulty communication with them,sorry my lord,but if the work of the god i will do my best for your kingdom,you're know me god,i pray for you everyday and cried because i already try my best to you,i suffered,ran to fast and made me no time to slow down my step of your my lord,i always push myself and upgrade myself do my best for you.
Sometimes really tired,but you gave me a strength to continue work for you,i really can't lost you in my life,the one i only trust and believe just only you,nobody can compare to your love.you love me so much,after i talk with you really felt comfort and peaceful,cheerful,.........continue

我太爱你了，我的主，只有你最好，我太不够坚强了，我面对不到你所赐给我你的儿女在我身边，为什么，我时常看到他们不好的一面。我需要你的力量，我需要你的恩典和祝福，我身体真的很累，灵都已经开始动摇，但我知道你可以医治我。我真的很讨厌我自己。。。。。。。

Beginning......

hi,everybody.i already long time didn't touched my blog.still got another two weeks i start my midterm exam,before the examination around the corner,i already feel the pressure and nervous on it.whatever,i also need to attend the exam and try my best to my lord and my parent(what result they want me to score),but this few day i learn i thing is we just only can solve our problem with my self,other people can't help you,now i just like the past who the one i am.heart just only can spend to my lovely lord,other people i will trying give a chance,sometimes really make me embracing and suffering......

Yeah,i'm so happy

Firstly,"Ya tou" again won the competition,that all glory given to the god,god you are so great and wonderful,you are the best in my heart,you created a miracle to everybody,i love you jesus,whereas today i'm not felt better before enter the big room,because something happen to me,in the beginning i really feel bad,but after all became back normal,somebody saying the word i hate,i wouldn't like to listen,anyhing also can speak to me,accept this,because i really sensitive and care about this incident,my family last time also done for me using this sentences.Yeah,pastor jay koopman already finished his speech by yesterday,i very glad he came to our church and bring a message and shared his own testimonial to us,thank you jesus,this all is your present to us,thank lord.


Dear jesus,you speak to me,you changed my life,you save us from the sins,you are the god in universe,you give me a strength,thank you jesus,in your pressure name i pray,Ameen

memory later post

Labour VS Harvest,four type of watchmen,reviver the kingdom of god,later write remember.....................saturday write

Last person know the incident

i don't know how to said,but all the incident already solved,because something was made my heart painful................all the thing was not important already,jesus is great and wonderful,he always give me a information to let me know he instructions and the words.Lord i thank you,i love you so much.human hmmmmm,unbelievable.......

The god I know
When the stage is bare tonight
There’s no one elseJust You and me
When the curtains close behind
There’s no pretenseI’m on my knees
I will lay down my life
For the love sacrifice
You gave to me
It’s all because of You
All because of You
The God I knowRighteous and Holy
The God I knowFaithful and true
The God I knowMy tower of refuge
Hearts are healed
Christ revealed
The God I knowLight of the City
The God I knowStrengthens the weak
The God I knowYour heart beats within me
As You are, so are we
This is my cry
My one desire
More of You
More of You
The church He knows
Righteous and Holy
The church He knows
Is faithful and true
The church He knows
A tower of refuge
Hearts are healed
Christ revealed
The church He knows
Light of this city
The church He knows
Strengthens the weak
The church He knows
Is strong and mighty
As He is, so are we

feel panic and afraid

i already try my best to changing myself to become a good atitude and succeed in everything,but i have my own weakeness,the habit or the self-personality always let me unsuccessful in my life,i was not confident done everything,just tools for daily use,i also need to make a long decision,during in the college i also facing this kind of problem,i always felt stressing during do assignment and presentation,i was unbravered to faced this stress always chosen evade,whereas have somebody gave encouraged me during i have this type of problem,but i really useless,what i afraid about,why i need afraid,when i started afraid,...............................

misunderstood and bad day

saturday,i don't know what happened to me,i really angryness,in the morning almost 12 p.m,wei lin invited me goes to taken the breasfast on TBR,i ate the noodles with some potatoes and hotdogs,after that,wei lin said he must early going to the church,so i need early go back home prepared myself for going to the church,unluckily,i'm not going with him,because when i went back to home,suddenly my friend called me and needed my helped,that day i also uncomfortable,i sick,flu and other,my movement become slowed and i felt fainted,when i prepared all thing i wanted go out,i called wei lin,he said already on the way,i just used 35 minit to do all the thing include my friend calling.
Few hour ago,i felt no energy on my body,wei lin said resting at home first,he will come back to fetched me,but lastly was not,in the end was Ah phua fetch me from KL sentral,i don't know what happened that days,i saying out wrong messages during in the group heart 13,during the time,i was very angry in my heart like uncontrolling myself,i hated the people lose their promises,and saying out something word hurting me with no listen any my reason...
i can't forgotten the word,it was the one girl saying to me,in front of me,she say"if you don't want came,please don't want somebody waiting you longer time"this word really straight attacking my heart,she don't know everything,she haven listen why i late to the group for worship god,At that time,i really sad,i felt uncomfortable on human,my body getting weakeness,i hated them,but during fga cyc worship time,i pray to the god,why all of them like that,father given me much answer,whereas what happened,he will besides me,he said other people not understood me,but lord will understood me,he say much of the thing to me,....
After all,we going to taken dinner at"jiang long",and we go back with fatty and ...................happy,"the love of lord was great,wonderful,i love you jesus,i forgave all the people who hurting me,because i have your love...

tommorow

haizz...the alor gajah camp adventure was so many thing need to write,so maybe tommorow starting to record down all the journey during this camp...

The expression on the movie...

today morning,around 10 o'clock something,i received the called from ye qi,but i didn't answered,because i haven a class,after that,i calling back to her,i asked her have anything else,she asked me,"tonight are you free,we go to watch movie",i straight away said can...
After few hour ago,wei lin called me,he said must go out before 6 p.m.So,i prepared myself,moreover,we taken a dinner before goes to the cinema at pavillion,Besides that,i bought a shoes,the thing just very angrily was i can't found the beg i like..
In addition,i visited the book store which under the pavillion,"Times"is the poor book store,they not properly take care their book for selled to cosumers,some book was spoit,because ....other reason,Finally the movie start,i bought a new york chicken burger ,soft drink and potato chips,in this movie"xin fu wan shui",i very like the character which acted grandmother,she revenged to the mens in the world who trying to hurted her daughter,in this incident,the memories flooded on my mind about myself the painfulness experiences in my whole life,my tears just continued came out from my eyes,i very happy can reveged to the man,i wanted them disappeared on the world,i already trying my best,but the fearness and painfulness always disturbed me and let me difficulty to forgotten its.
Maybe for other people this movie was funny and enjoyable,but for me it was sadness and painful....i scared alone,but i have no choosing ability,i have no much of friend,no a lot of people i can trusted them,just only a few,the people on this world was evil,i really can't made me to accepted them......

I'll do something out of mind

why my parent always like this,whatever what i say,they didn't trust me,i say the true,but they just say lie,i'm 20 year old on this year,why i can't make decision with myself,why i needed controlling by all of your,why...
Just calling to me asking something about the thing i don't know,after that,asking me about my studies,i say i not very good in every subject,but you started scolding me,always tell me go back home,always pushing me stopped the studies,what are you all planning about??
i always crazy and lost of emotional because all of you,i can't forgive you all,you all was the closes relation with me,we are family,i don't know how to do when you always make me uncomfortable,you all always not support me,moreover,just only how to scolded me,and find out the problem about me,all the people have their weakeness,you all also have,it can't be denied,i really wanted to commit suicide,i don't want leave in this evil world,i really can't stay with your all,i already grew up and i'm not a child anymore,i have the way to go through my own life,no need your all worried about me...i really really wanna don't want my life,if have next time,please don't force pleasure again,please, when i die,you all(family) no need to cry and whatever done to me,don't boder me

my lover

think of me,think of me fondly,when we said goodbye,Remember me,once in a while ,please promise me you'll try,When you find_that once again you long_to take your heart back and be free,if you ever find a moment,spare a thought for me.Think of me,think of me waking silent and resigned,imagine me,trying too hard to put you from my mind,Recall those days,look back on ................

no one understand me

this world no one people understand me including my parent,i really feel disappointed to them,human are evil,all of your just planning how to steal or stolen somebody property,my heart during in recovered,but suddenly this type of incident to me again,this was big impact to me,my heart just in scare,whereas i already pray to the god,you all are bad person,i really difficulty to breathing every second and minute,my pressure was difficulty to cope and if i one of day............................i just say sorry.

Miracle....

yesterday i actually was controlling by the emotional and unrational thinking,because the people who name john steal my money,and besides that he said don't know me who am i,at that time i really lose controlling,i whole day can't consume any food because angry,Furthermore,i can't concentration during we have group worshiping to the lord,my eyes only fully with the hated and i have think,if i can't overcome the problem,i will used my own way to punishing him.
after while,i told the problem out to wei lin and after wei lin back his hometown,i also saying out what happened to me with my family in church,they told me must forgave anyone,can't hated in the heart.
i very appreaciated to the lord,he let me saw something during the 6.30pm worship timing,before i entering the worship time,i have pray in the heart can't have hated,must fulfilled with love,and i asking god,it is become back myself and no turn back the person who controlling by the darkness.Luckly,the god bring the word and answer through the pastor in the church.the god said to me about the bible LUKE: CHAPTER 21,1-4,it said about the widow with their all treasure.in this incident my loving lord told me about why because of a money and gave up him,and during any different environment must much love him than before,he told me many thing....
i already forgave the people who stealed my money,one of the day,my christ will do the judgement.i love all the people in the world,jesus i love you,i will not leave you forever and ever.

Yesterday was history

Tommorrow was the mystery

Today was the gift

the darkness is back

the darkness in my heart he's back,i know and feeling his around me,alone can make me far away from the people,today i went out just filled up my mineral water at machine which need to pay,i scared look the people faces and afraid nearest to people,my heart was difficulty to breath and somemore no braver facing the incident which already past,i always saw myself have a tail,i don't want the tail,pls go away from me,maybe lasttime i need it,but now i not need any tail and power,scaring.....scaring.......

Wow,Delicious.........

i have been long time ago didn't cooked,today i suddenly feel very boring and nothing to do,just now i went to the kitchen and cooked some food,maybe i stopped cooked a longer time,some nice taste was lesses,but my food less cholesterol,healthy,taken much no easier obesity,but it is so delicious......

Wonderful day

Yesterday i was so happy,because having dinner with my brother and sister nearest sunway piramid,the restaurant have BBQ and steambot only,Wow,this was the day i ate a lot of seafood,i taken a plate and goes to took many of the crab,prawn,BBQ chicken and etc.thank my lord given me this delicious food and combined all your child together.
Besides that, whereas i taken a lot this food were made me fat and high cholesterol,but nevermind,we all happy and god you happy,i will continue have this type good relationship with my family,After finish consumed our food,we have some desserts,such as fruit,ice-cream and pastries...
Moreover,after all,we go to ling fong houses call on the chinese new year's or shortly thereafter,usually with a present,that was angpau,haha,i just get RM 2 in the angpau,but nevermind,wah a lot angpau in the plastic bag with more than 10 above angpau to let us choose.
After all,we went back to our own stayed places, me,joanne.william,wei lin and two person,which was i forgot their name, in comfortable,peaceful,and happiness heart addition tired went back to ours places.


jesus,i love you,you let me love you much than before me love you,i want to worship your name,glory your name and praised,i want pray to our family at church in each group,hope you give us power to bring new people to trust you and follow you,i pray to all people in the world all in peaceful and happy because of your love.In jesus name i pray Amen.

Worses day for me

today was the worses day to me,at the morning,i woke up late,but hopefully i'm not late for attend the class,Besides that,the library sent me a letter and past to the SPUS department and give to me by the class chairman.After that,today i needed go to bank for apply my Atm card,because i already apply back my temporary MyCard,before when i went the bank,i asking my friend it is really can apply back my Atm card,my friend shows his Atm card to me,is real,he applies by the temporary identiti card,why i can't applying,when i take the ticket and sat i front of the customer service,the lady said to me can't apply,i ask why,she say this is the bank rules,why other bank can apply back the Atm card,just only this PUBLIC BANK can't give me to apply,what the shit,i really angry and take all my thing and go out from the bank.

this bank really useless,what kind of rules,other bank can applying,why you cannot,better go eat shit.

Miss the college

i have been long time absent for attended the class after the rob incident,but today was my first day go to study,just finish my chinese new year break,i was happy go to school because that was my wonderful,i can saw the lecture and classmate...today i was move out from my rented house to another house.in the morning,i packing all the thing and ready to move,because my friend drive his own car to help me and help him.i was happy,the people at the house was so nice....

Sunday was relaxing day to me

Today didn't have a bible class,i have somemore sad,because can't listen the word from the god,i really love listen the word,but nevermind,we can read the bible by own,Sometimes the god will give me some apocalyppse,my father let me saw her kingdom was nearest to this world,he also let me know the end of the world,last time i told my friend to capture one of the picture which i saw was just like the notice from the god,the end of the world.
Yesterday i went to church,in the beginning i was somemore afraid because of the incident,when the time was pass very fast ,i became more comfortable,after i heared jim pei talking about herself how to royal to the god i was somemore happy.i know the god was come to this world and bring all the church brother,sister,father and mother or couple going to his kingdom,i need to served you god as i promises to you before,i will don't give up whereas have any ordeal you let go through,my heart was strong as before,i wanted write the beautiful and the song of heaven to you,i love music,vocal,thank you jesus you give me all the best thing,now i just got little bit problem on my piano class i planning before,because of economic crisis now,i needed cancelled the planning,i pray with you jesus,i know you can helping solving my family economic crisis and all economic problem in the world by you.i trust you,i know you can and you are the best.
After the serving,we go to ate some food prepared by the family on the church,i love this family,they all are very kind,nobody in evil hearted,i love you jesus give me all this thing,After that we going to cinema watched the movie which is "The wedding game",in this movie i learned much of the thing,i appreacited i have one perfect leader and her assistant and all my group member,thank you all of you supportive me,i were never forget you all.i will tell the god bless all of you much and much,after that we together going to the kingdom or houses of the god.

my painful memories

Long time ago,during i studyed at primary school have one of the incident happened,when i still in a child,i was the happiness people and talkative,but after this incident i become quiet down,this memories always flooded on my mind during last time,but lastly i was dare out my first step, because of this incident,after i told my friend,they will repel me and far away from me.But nevermind,because when i with the god,i not afraid anything,if we follow the word of god,we will be saved,because he used his blood to wash our sins,in the end of this world the who trust the jesus christ was him or her father,they will be saved,but who not believed father,they will go to the hell and not be saved.
Maybe after i write this blog related my privacy,the people was think me as a stupid person,but in my mind i will said NO,in the beginning actually the adam and eve can live with peaceful life,but because they don't listen the advises,so the problem was happened,one people actually haven't problem,just only we go to find the problem making ourself troblesome,if we want to back our father kingdom,we needed served him and love him with hundred percent with no any mistrust,just like the life beginning as adam as eve.i love god so much and don't want any problem in myself,so i was tell the truthfulness.whereas it was a painful memories,when i around seven year old i was raped by the man,it continuing happened two years unstopped,my family also don't know this incident,because i was thing this is shame,in the beginning i felt my body was very dirty dirty.....but after that i just only crying alone during every night,besides that i very hated my whole family and my uncle and aunt,the man was the worker of my uncle,why always hate them,why can't take care me,just only work work and work,in their eyes only have money,no other thing already.
moreover,i planning to revenged the people hurt me like that,because after that the male people touch me i will felt abusing and can't accepted,i can't revenged because i still small,when i secondary school,i met one people,he was a malay guy,he was very kind,i told them i want revenge to somebody,but what can i do it,he introduce his black metal teacher to me,i already follow the teacher learn about the oath,i want extra pay back my painful the man in the world give me,but lastly i have uses the black magic of my teacher,i was happy when the man painful because of my oath,At the same time,because i wanted more powerful oath,i promise gave my whole life and spirit control by the demon to changed the darkness power.i saw my friend become crazy because learned this black magic,i have little bit woke up from darkness,but the demon they never let me do that,because i said spirit was control by them,i have trying to suicide commit,but can't,after that i everyday closes in the room and don't want going to the school,but many of the teacher came to my house and call me for the school,i very appreciated to miss chan,she was bring me to the church and let me know life was colourful,At the same time i burned all the application about the black magic.now my houses still have one of the book related the black magic i still not destroyed,because i miss the book.
Finally,after i go to the church started last year 2008/21/12,i know the god very love me and don't wanted me walk a wrong road,he want me served him and follow him forever and ever,so each time i strong love the god,the demon was trying destroyed me between with the god,it was pull me down and hope me listen to demon,so this time incident was gave me large impact,the demon always talk in my heart,but trying and stopping the devil talk to me,now i very happy can meet the friend from my group,whether was no so close,but i was trying with the order of god,i afraid to talk with them sometimes was the demon let me know the people was scared and will hurt me.
Demon i told you,i will not allowed you stay in my heart,you can't pull me down,with the name of jesus,i wanted you out of my body forever,my heart just for my loving god,i just wanna worship him and glory him,in the name of jesus i pray Amen.

i love you so much my lord,i don't hated the people on the world,thank you god you let me learn the thing from the movie and word from the pastor mouth,you told me can't lie during do anything,you told me must not lie to any people,because in the life of lying,cannot happy.yeah,i can do it jesus,i can do it.......thank you lord,i worship you i worship you

31/1/2009,.........

now almost 4 a.m,i still can't sleep,i wanted find somebody chatting also difficulty,all the person also need to sleep and rest,now just only me was sleeplessness,i have no mood started that day,i just only can write the blog to said out what was in my heart to you,besides that was my great father,father don't let me alone,you have greater power to recover me,why the human in the world like this,why?????????????why they likes rob people treasured,why don't go find the job and work properly,you know it can make the people at everywhere scared and worried about.god i hope you can early come to this world to bring me to your kingdom,besides that destroyed this evil world and evil people,let them get a punishment on the hell,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

scared on my heart

god i pray for you i needed a comfortable heart in mine,god i don't know why i can't sleep after the incident i faced last week,each time i closes my eyes,i would saw the robber used knife hurting me,even i try to forgot it,but it was difficult.because when i go anyway or bought something nearest the place i stayed,when the time i saw the motorcycle,i were became panic and nervous,i really really scared and afraid,i everyday insomnolence and crying on the bed until my eyes as red as the tomatoes.i was very painful now it really,nobody know,i scared one of the days i were fall down in a swoon,Why each time during i trust you very much the demon trying to pull me down from you,but this time was a big ordeal from your,i really hardness to recover,now i was in a sick..mentality sick...darkness everyday wrap me up and following me,i don't want it,please take it always,please take it away.i can't smile with happiness heart from the god,each time all smile was lying myself,i can't smile after rob,all was .......

I'm Free

Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise

Through you my hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams

I AM FREE

I am free to run
I am free to dance
I am free to live for you

I'm free,I'm free,I'm free




hello everybody,i just came back from my hometown,happy chinese new year all of you......

Indignation and rancor

my heart was wrath and painful,i can't forgive the people do that to me,i really uncontrolled myself already,i can't sleep in comfortable situation,because anger in my mind about lost all the important thing,in the beginning,my heart was nothing happening,but after the rob happened my heart want to revenge,i want they all have extra pain,just like they hurt me and make my mentality to be frightened.all the malay are useless,have a job don't want to work,just only rob people thing and besides that,the poliemen and policewomen also like that,all of them are lazy,just only eat and sat on the office,behaviour and no manner.they must know when a fete day coming,they must be much of rob happened and the police must taken the action to protect the people around the country,they must to patrol each area of the places.malaysian defences really poor and worse..it make me felt uncomfortable and need to scared everyday.

unlucky days

yesterday 10p.m was rob by the robber on taman bunga raya with my friend,all the important thing was rob,in beside that,my hand also injury by hurt from the robber,i told him,you can take all the thing,but give back the sim card to me,but he never do that,he using the parang hurting my hand,besides that,all my book and gone and my tarc college ID card was also rob,now i didn't have any sen in mine,i asking friend help me,he have many excuse,why,if them have problem i help them a lot,but i have problem,the people keep away from me,actually i already forgive people,now happen like this kind incident,i was not forgve them,my heart was broken again.................painful,i were give benjamin extra revenge....

Weakeness

Day by day,my body become more weakeness.Besides that,my healthy situation also got problem,my body were pop up different kind of the dot or other thing i never been before.yesterday i fall in sick.Sometimes i was thinking it is the end of my life or the time i was faced with my beloved god.i keeped to made me became more strong,but actually was lose and can't stand more longer the feeling.yesterday i whole day just only slept...haizz

Dream......

Just now i having a nice dream,i saw a pastor and any group member in my dream,i was very happy and besides that,we going to one food stored prepared to taken a dinner,in the dream,in this dream,me and other member joking,played the game whereas the pastor are together with us, Suddenly,the pastor said;the word of god to us,he said,if somebody made a mistaken or any sin in their life must put the effort to take it away with the love from the god,he also said,who body have the oath in their body,it can disappeared with the power of god,but must step by step,because the demon was trying destroyed us,but with the god power we can do anything....i very happy because if i continue prayed and studies the word of god,the oath in my body was gone,jesus i love you much than the human in the world,jesus you are the best,thank you jesus,glory glory my god,i worship you,in addition,you gave me a strong,braved,intelligence and other.in jesus name i pray.amen

Badness

Yesterday night i having my badness feeling,in the begun i can't coping that types of feel,but lastly i solved.Actually i goes to the church listen the word of god,i very appreacited the people fetch me to fga,i was very angry the time pastor said about we must forgave my parent,he said must forgive everyone member on my home,i can't forgave them,i hated my parent,i hated them,all of them,why i can't grew up in the perfectly family,why their divorced during i still in small,i hated them,nobody can understood that feeling.,

Besides that,not only their divorces,they also used something to hitted me without any reason,i can't washed out the picture in my head,i was bedgrudge the people have a perfectly family,i very hated during that situation,why i so envy about that,why i must in single parent family,nobody know i have much an individual matter during i grew up....

i so painful on my heart,my heart was broken,i so uncomfortable when someone talking about their family,i don't know,i don't know,now was very confusing.....

Empty

no more thing i wanted write on my blog,i don't know why the feeling of last time in my heart was gone,started now i have many thing need to do such as glory the god and need to cover and also put effort on my studies,i don't care anymore,So i will no always write the blog,some of my problem i will keeping on my heart,i will trying my best to cope anything happen around me,sadness gone...no feeling,like my heart already blind,after that i need to write down the day of my birthday...continue



god bless everybody in the world,i love you,i love you much............